How to Tell Someone You Love That They Need to Change
Article by Laura Fenamore
Have you ever thought, “Why didn’t someone tell me?” and wondered why a friend or loved one didn’t quietly take you aside and offer you advice or say the difficult truth when you were about to make a terrible mistake? Have you looked back at a time in your life when you were running head-on into a train wreck ” and realizing that no one tried to stop you, thought to yourself, “If someone had just said something to me, maybe I could have avoided that?” It is important to reflect on these moments in life so that we can be ready when the situation is reversed” when it isn’t us, but our loved one who is headed for disaster with their lifestyle and health.
Do you love someone who has crossed the line and is no longer just “slightly overweight” or “too thin,” but is now truly unhealthy from poor choices and the constant abuse of their body? Do you sit quietly by their side, paralyzed, as they continue to make poor choices everyday and worry as they choose poor self-esteem, unhappiness with their weight, major illness, or even worse ” death?
Are you concerned enough about their well-being to really do something to help?
Ask yourself:1. Has this loved one ever asked for help with their weight issues, verbally or non-verbally?2. Have they expressed dissatisfaction with their body, exercise habits, food choices or health?3. Has this loved one ever passively given me clues that they are crying out for help?
When someone’s hurting, they can’t always say they’re in trouble ” they may be too ashamed or too afraid. At times, they might even deny that they need help ” or that they asked for it. They may even resent you for bringing up the matter.
I am here to tell you that there is a way to reach people without hurting them!
First, you must not allow yourself to stand paralyzed — wanting to help them and not knowing how. If you truly care for someone, you must be willing to take a risk for them. What is this risk? If they are in deep denial and burying the reasons for their unwise habits and dangerous choices, they may walk away from you rather than face the truth. When we hurt inside, we attack our bodies because that is what’s available. Poor lifestyle choices, self-abuse in the form of food and lack of self-care are simply physical manifestations of pain. If your loved one is hurting this much and hurting themselves, you can help them!
There is a healing and non-aggressive way to reach out to others through the art of story-telling. Arm yourself with real success stories, choose a time to talk to your loved one, and begin your conversation with those stories. My own life is a great example and can be found on “About Laura” at http://www.LauraFenamore.com. Share my success with them” I lost 100 pounds and kept it off forever. Tell them that there’s more to it” that I realized I hated myself as much when I was thin as I did when I was overweight. I finally came to see that it is not what we look like on the outside” but how much we love ourselves inside! Only then could I begin the slow and steady path of self-care and self-love. I began to love Laura” and I was able to stop hurting myself as I moved forward and made positive, courageous changes every single day.
Your loved one will probably open up about their own situation, although they may be angry or hurt. But are you more concerned with their well-being than initially offending them? Are you willing to risk losing your loved one for a moment in order to help save their lives forever? If you are, then take the courageous step and begin opening up to them. At the end of that discussion, dial the phone and let them ask me how to get started and what I did to lose 100 pounds and save my own life. The phone call is free and they can be too.
Finally, if they are truly ready to begin a new life, my 12-week pilot program, Loving What You See in the Mirror (Crucial Components to Permanent Weight Loss) begins in a few weeks. This is the only time that I will personally coach the participants through the course (all the more reason to check it out now). The course includes a workbook to support permanent transformational change, along with an added surprise to promote structure and balance among the other participants for all twelve weeks. Participants are interviewed and selected for this course, so call me at 415-646-1234 if you are ready to move forward” with nothing standing in your way!
By, Laura Fenamore, Body Image Mastery www.LauraFenamore.com
About the Author
Laura Fenamore became a leader on the transformational movement because she passionately believes that anything is possible, that no matter how trapped or powerless a person might feel, it is what they do, that will set them free. Laura believes that each of us has the right to a radical life shift every single day. Hers began when she understood that the only person who could truly love her, was Laura. Although neglected and abused as a child, s