Find True Love – When You Know What You Want, You Can Will Get It
I have a post card on my wall at home saying: “You need to have a dream to have a dream come true.” These words help me lift my thoughts above the small entanglements I meet in my everyday life and think about where I really want to go, in the long run. It makes me smile, and to keep my hope up. It gives strength to keep on walking.
Dreams are important. It wasn’t before I defined my dream of a close and long term relationship that I could lift my head above those casual flings with tourists, toy boys or “cruel but hot” men and find my lovely partner. When I defined my dream about what kind of love life I wanted, I saw what was really important to me and I started looking in the right direction. Not wasting another minute on the wrong boys.
I want you to have a great love life too! I want you to feel passion, butterflies and harmony – with a new partner or the one you’re with now. I know you can! By turning your thoughts around a bit, you can get there in no time.
To reach your goal you need to have a goal. You need to see that bright future in front of you and drool.
Unfortunately, many people are today stuck in status quo (like unwanted singledom or unhappy relationships) because they have neither a stick nor a carrot to motivate them to move in any direction.
On one hand there is no longer a stick in the shape of a strong culture telling us that we have to settle. It is considered totally ok to be single no matter how old you are; it is even seen as cool and trendy. Your mum might be asking the itchy question “so when will I get grand children”, but we are individualistic enough to say “so what” and live as we please anyway. And since both men and women work and educate themselves nowadays, we don’t have to pair up to survive. Hence, there is nothing strongly pushing us towards a relationship.
On the other hand there is no longer a carrot in the shape of a clear dream of how life should be. In a world filled with divorces, dramas, a myriad of life styles to choose from, we don’t really know what love is. Is that the stuff they show in the movies? Is it my mate’s booooring 2 kids-and a mortgage-life or my dad’s fourth marriage? Who knows? When we were 17 it was all innocent and pretty. At 30 we are all confused.
It is natural to be a bit afraid of getting rejected and hurt. If you fall for someone there is a risk of loosing. You might be hurt, humiliated or wounded. There might be entanglements. This is relevant for those who already are attached, but have problems letting go totally.
If we were super motivated to go for a true love and a relationship we would overcome the fear, but since there is no stick and no carrot pushing us, many stay where they are, not strongly motivated to move an inch.
To find true love you have to want it so much you don’t care about the risks. You may be terrified, but you want it so much you just throw yourself out there, head first.
Are you that motivated? I mean, do you really want it – that close, deep relationship that makes you a part of a team, sharing ups and downs with someone? Most singles I meet don’t have a clue about where they are going. They just keep on “hunting”, being more focused on looking than finding. More into the pursuit than the happiness. Or they just live next to their partner, not knowing where they are going or where.
I know a lot of people crave true “love”, but I also know through coaching hundreds of singles, that very many are not really sure of what that “love” is. They want it because they are supposed to want, because the hunt is fun or because they deep inside miss something. But since the Dream is so unclear, they keep falling into traps all the time. Dating the wrong type of people. Being too scared to ask. Ruining growing relationships with dramas.
Find a big, big piece of paper and put it in front of you. Make sure you have glue, pens, scissors and a stash of magazines and news papers.
Put on some nice relaxing music and close your eyes for a while. Remember times in your life when you were really happy. Remember people you love and loved. Think about friends who are in happy relationships. Find out what makes you smile and sparkle.
Now open your eyes and get to work. Define your dream relationship using your tools. Choose pictures in the mags and glue them on to the paper. Write important words about for example: How you feel
How you make your partner feel
What you do together
Who you spend time with
How you communicate
What is important
Put the paper in a place where you can see it clearly every day. This is where you are going! This is your dream.
Say out loud: “My dream is to have a relationship that is…(whatever you have defined) I will now be true to my heart and have the courage to move towards my dream. Now that I have a dream my dream will come true.”
Now you will be more focused and naturally brave. You know what you want and deserve, so you act, think and behave in this direction, towards true love. You flirt with people who have great values instead of just great biceps. You hold your head, and not just your heals, high. You have a different look, a more honest smile. You ask for more, and more will be given to you. It’s not magic at all. It is you creating your own, better future. You are adapting to your new life, and through that adapting you make it happen.
So do the Dream exercise and bring on that happy love life! Why live another day without true love, when you can easily get it? When you have a dream, you can have your dream come true. Sweet dreams!
The Love Coach Carolin Dahlman, www.coaching2love.com